IL-->WI

Just like what the title shows, yup, I moved from Illinois to Wisconsin. I have only been there for three days. My room is still a mess, probably that's why I am now at Starbucks. :P First day of my grad school class starts tomorrow. My teachers already assigned TONS OF readings, generously. Still can't believe that I am back to school, again.

OK, enough of the school talk. I know it's kinda boring. 

Results of my last few days of discovering this area, I found some local coffee shops, an awesome breakfast/brunch restaurant, a Korea/Japanese restaurant, some other nice Asian restaurants, a HUGE mall, etc. The mall is the second biggest mall in this state. Thinking to wonder around there when I am free. My roomie told me that during holiday people from Northeast of Wisconsin come down to shop and it would be jammed. Also, I am close to Green Bay. During football season, highway will be busier also. I kinda reluctant to pronounce Packers. You know, I have an accent. lol. Don't wanna embarrass myself in front of all the Packer fans >.<

People are pretty nice around. After all, this is still Midwest.. :P I met some of my classmates on the orientation day. Became friends with Miah, whose parents are from Laos. She's born and raised here though. Well...I believe we are friends now. :) Being minorities brings us together. Hopefully we will become study buddy through this tough program. Anyways, I tried to find out what kind of ethnicities are around here. Hmong is what Googled told me. I never knew about Hmong ethnicity before. So they are originally living an isolated mountain. Some are Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Laos. Pretty interesting. I need to know about about them. Hopefully Miah will invite me to her family, or I invite myself? :P 

I heard we get A LOT OF snow. Naturally and geographically, we are pretty up north now. I realize all the clothing stores are selling sweaters at the end of August already. I DO NOT like farewells, including saying goodbye to summer. I just heard a piece devastating news from my roomie that winter starts in November and lasts till March/April. Oh well, I can see tons of studying in coffee shops with hot coffee or staying in with hot cocoa winter time. But first, let's enjoy next two months. I will get fall season before my Illinois friends. :P 

So when any friend come to visit, I can bring you to this lovely yummy brunch place (who doesn't like brunch?), the big mall, beautiful lake around here, local coffee shops, and much more that I still need to explore myself. :P

The adventure just started. To be continued...

Learning English

    My English is far far far far from perfect. One thing is for sure though, it has become much much better than six years ago before I came to this country. Wanna know why? I will list some true experiences. Also, I really encourage people to go to the targeted language country to experience life or to study there. If not, maybe make friends with those who are native speakers.

    1. Overhear people's conversation, AND, understand most of it. Oh my word, sometimes I wish I didn't understand while I was studying at coffee shops or when people talk bad things about foreigners. It could be a good thing though. :P

    2. Speak up. Now I realize how intimidated I felt whenever I was "forced" to speak up. When I finally decided to say something in public, I felt my back and face were on fire. I could even feel my heart pumping out of my chest. It doesn't matter that my English is still not so great, but now I voice questions in class and in groups. I ask when I don't understand during conversation with barista, friends, and strangers instead of saying "yes" to everything or things that I don't understand. 

    3. Talk on the phone. Can you believe that I was afraid to answer phone calls for almost a year? I heard the phone ringing at my host parents' house continuously, I was so scared to pick up the phone because I didn't want them to miss any piece of important information. So I just let those people go straight to the voice mail. It wasn't that I wasn't able to understand people on the phone (actually maybe yes to this one too), but people couldn't understand me even more. Yes people, I have an accent. It is very hard to understand what people say if they have an accent. I hated to explain what I said over and over again or simply hated spell most of things that I said. Ugh. BUT. now when people ask me to spell, I will just spell instead of feeling "dang, how could you not understand me?" I make tons of phone calls now, despite people don't know me and very likely they probably will ask me to say the same thing again.
   4. Understand sarcasm. Now I realize how much people use sarcasm on a daily basis. Sometimes, I still have trouble recognizing it. Sarcasm is a big part of this culture. On Smithsonian.com, it says that 23% of the time phrase "yeah, right" was used, it was uttered sarcastically. After reading that, so many "yeah, right" from conversations popped into my head. Pretty amazing.
   5. Carry a conversation with a stranger. Thanks to Midwest friendly environment, it's quite often to have a conversation with a total stranger. Back in China, I learned that Americans always talked about weather if they didn't know each other or people didn't have anything to talk about. Actually, it's kinda true. Lots of short conversation with strangers are about weather.
  I can only think of these couple of things right now. Anyway, improving English definitely makes me more confident with what I do, act, or say. There is so much more to learn for sure though. 

SUUUUURPRISEEEEEEE!

     Life is full of surprises. It can be a good one, but also can be bad.
     Guess who is back to school? Surprise!! It's ME! Yay (yes, of course this is sarcastic "yay").
     Well...at least I had ten months of great experience as a nurse. I LOOOOOVE being a nurse. Simply loved what I did. Due to some simple complicated reasons, I quit my dream job and went back to school. (and yes, it was simple reason but also complicated.)
     Now, I am searching what's next.
     It's like all the sudden I became a child all over again. When I was younger, I dreamed of being a doctor, a barber, a chef, an artist, a traveler, and...hmmmm...Actually that's about it. I didn't dream too big, huh. As I have so much free time now, I have been thinking going school for massage therapist, professional photographer, or culinary art. I even think of my future restaurant name, settings, and everything. lol..was also thinking to open a restaurant back home then if I go back.
     Just a lot of thoughts and ideas popping up in my mind lately. Thoughts of going back home to be a nurse, going another country, volunteering somewhere in this world, studying for another major, etc etc. There are so much that I can do or I want to do. That's why it's hard. I have problems of choosing stuff I guess. Sometimes, I wish what future looked like. But, only He knows.
     Anyhoo, I do have my one clear and practical goal in my many ridiculous thoughts--go for grad school.
     Initially, my mind wasn't set for grad school after I quit my job because I did want to have more experience first. Now, going to grad school is a must. One professor from nursing school told me that education is never a waste. True that. Thinking of more opportunities and experiences after getting the grad degree, I am more determined now.
    It might sounds unreal, but I am kinda thankful for this free time to ponder about my life, despite how much disappointment along the road.
    After all, God has everything in control. :)

adult life

      Sitting here in Starbucks and starting a new book, old memories are flooding my mind. This is one of places where I used to study. Can't believe I have been a nurse for three months already.

      Still feel weird that I actually don't need to study for school any more (at least for now). Adult life is definitely another world. For sure. I was in school until 25 years old. Growing up isn't fun. Actually it is scary. Looking at those kids who were tiny but now all are bigger and taller, I just can't believe. When I was little, I always wondered how my life would be when I grew up. At that time, being an adult was a mystery to me. Now, I know being an adult has lots of responsibilities--paying bills, managing finance, thinking how to live better, and families.  

     In China, it's very common to pay parents back when you are earning money after school. It's not a must. But it is a thing that you will do as a grown up. Most Asian parents pay for their kids till college. So it is very reasonable to give money to your parents after working. My sisters have been doing that since they started to work. 

     Speaking of my family, I have super two cute nieces now!!! 

 

      It is crazy think how much time I have missed to spend with them. My 2 year old niece Livia already knows how to use iphone! Every time we facetime, she will kiss me and hug me through the phone, and then says "byebye" and touches the "end" button to end the conversation. lol. She is so smart and learning everything! My other niece, 6 months old Xinxin, of course she doesn't recognize me. She was born when I wasn't there. Sometimes it is sad to think that my parents are getting older and older and my nieces are growing up also but I am like 7000 miles away. People always ask me where I will be living or working in the future, back to China to settling down here. The future is mysterious. Remember? Being an adult is a mystery. We never know what is going to happen. The only thing that I can do is to make the most of everything and everyday. 

     

     It is getting harder to go back to visit now while I just started my career. Still trying to adjust work life and normal life. 

     I have been working third shift for three months. Boy oh boy, a lot more to learn than nursing school while I thought nursing school was rough. Since I did not have any experience before, I ask all kinds of questions from the very very basic ones to ok ones. I believe I have grown a lot in the past three months. However, this is a long journey. You never know what kind of assignments you will get each time. Every night is a different story. But I like my job and my coworkers. It takes time to get to know people, job, and the job environment. 

    Remember? I did not even know what diarrhea/nausea (sorry for the gross example) was in English 3 years ago even it's a very common word, even maybe a grade school kid knows. For sure I didn't know what situation that I got myself into when I decided to do nursing here. But, it's such a great experience to have. Making life long friends through nursing school, learning the medical culture and knowledge, and challenging myself make this experience so worthy. I am very thankful for my families and friends who have always encouraged me throughout these years. 

    Sometimes when people are me how my job is going, I always wonder if they really care. lol. It is just a culture thing I guess. People are nice to ask, but don't really care about the answers. Question like "how are you doing," people don't expect true answers. Maybe we are just too busy or to nice. I have become more Americanized. I do realize that I do this too. It is just a nice thing to ask I guess. Real friends do care though. 

    One of my American friends mentioned things like these before. He said Chinese takes things so serious. He said "let's do lunch sometime" to his Chinese friends. His friends would keep asking when and would make sure this lunch thing happen. But here, when people say "let's go grab a cup of coffee" or "let's have lunch together." lol, who knows it's actually gonna happen. True story, one of my friends have said to meet up for coffee or do lunch for over almost 2 years by now and it hasn't happened yet. LOL. 

    Pretty soon I will be starting my 6th year here in this country. It's so incredible to think how long I have been here, how much I have learned, and how much more I still need to learn. Let's see what the future holds for us. Just one step at a time and make the most of everything and everyday. 

I AM A NURSE!!!

   OH MY GOODNESS!
   I finally became a registered nurse! This is for real. RN, BSN. Seriously, for this look like simple title, I worked so hard for this, just like every single nurse.
   Clearly remembering how I exactly felt 8am yesterday--shaky, nervous, and blank mind. I was so scared to find out how I did because I didn't want to see "fail" again on the result like the last time. Whatever happened happened. With my shaky hands clicking the computer, I saw "pass" on my result. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!?!?!? I had to look so many times to make sure that's a "pass" instead of "fail." It sounds like I was totally went crazy. I screamed so hard that I was afraid the neighbor was gonna come to knock on the door. BUT I PASSED?! Seriously, after the exam, I sat at the test center parking lot for an hour to calm down.
   So for RN board--NCLEX, it's an adaptive exam. It's minimum question is 75 and maximum is 265. Time length is 6 hours. For my first time back in February, I had 265 questions and I was there for 6 hours. Boy oh boy, that wasn't the greatest feeling in the world. I couldn't focus any more when I figured out that I couldn't have enough time to finish the whole exam. Basically, I had approximately 30 seconds for the last 60 questions. I just randomly picked whatever because I couldn't even have enough time to read the questions. Man, that was so wrong. Of course I felt horrible after sitting there for 6 hours clicking whatever answers. So then I spent another month of studying after I failed the first time.
   Lots of my classmates passed the first time and already had worked for a month as nurses. Thinking about it, it's a little bit bitter. But I comforted myself by saying that if I passed the first time, I would be too genius. It becomes extra tough when English becomes as my second language and medical terms as third language. Simple common terms like "nausea" or "diarrhea", I didn't know what they mean in English 2 years ago. It's embarrassing to ask simple questions like these. And of course, this will never ends. I am about to start new chapter of my life. I am sure it will be difficult and rough to work as a nurse in the medical field with language barrier. HOWEVER, it's not impossible. Didn't I just pass the ridiculous nursing board? :) Work hard and work harder. Things are possible.
  Anyway, I am SOOOOO thankful that I finally passed. No more occupying Starbucks or other coffee shops for hours and hours with only a cup of coffee. :P
  So now I need to jump into the job market to find myself a job. Other than that, I am gonna read the entire Harry Potter again. Feeling beyond happy that I can read something else now! woot woot!

Senioritis

     It has been almost half year since my last update. Sometimes, I drag.
     Just can't believe that my last semester of nursing school is getting closer and closer to the end. Only 20 days. Guys, only 3 more weeks!
     I think nursing school is the toughest thing that I have done in my life so far. Does it sound ridiculous? It's not med school. However, nursing school apparently is not that easy. I don't think my family or my relatives back home will ever understand how hard nursing school is in this country. It should be tough, because we are dealing with lives. Back home, nursing is totally different. It's way easier. Oh well, and it's in Chinese. I think that makes it WAY easier. Sometimes, I really hate to use the language barrier as an excuse for not doing great on the exams. But guess what? It really matters. Life is full of dilemmas, isn't it? And who says that life is easy? Everybody has his/her ups and downs. My English isn't perfect, still. It frustrates me sometimes, especially in the hospitals. But, I am very glad that I am able to understand or express better than before. Nursing school is completely another new language to me. Seriously, I am embarrassed to say that I didn't even know what "diarrhea" and "nausea" mean in English and I never ever memorized them two years ago. If they are in people's own language, a five-year-old kid will know what they mean. I couldn't memorize them until my friend helped me with drawing. In the past two years, I have learned a lot, a lot. BUT, it's never enough. Or, there is way too much to learn. Life is a learning process, isn't it?
     So I had my graduation picture taken. Clinicals are over. No more white scrubs and white shoes. Only two more finals and some homework before graduation. Unbelievable. Truly. Sometimes, I do feel dumb when I realize that I am probably the only Chinese nursing student in the hospital while my ethnic group people are doctors. But, thinking of how far I have come, it's just an unbelievable thing. God is so good. I don't think I can survive this two years without Him. Truly. How many times that I prayed for those hard times and how many times he answered. He is there, guys. You just need to believe.
     I don't think I am quite ready to become a nurse, but I believe that I will be when the time comes. Right now, I am just having serious disease--senioritis. I think it's very contagious.The only prescription is graduation.
     It was a tough week this week. Sometimes, things are hard. They become harder if you are emotionally drained. But I am fully recovered now. Bright and shiny. Just ready to graduate and move on.

Summer 2014!

  Again, haven't updated this blog for a while. I have always wanted to update something, but it just didn't happen.

  SO! My 1st senior semester is over. I am so glad that I have survived all my classes and clinical. At the same time, I still feel that I don't know anything. I am getting closer to graduation. However, there is a complicating feeling in it. I feel so ready to graduate, but at the same time I also feel scared. Is this what I am supposed to feel? I guess. lol.

  Don't let this bother me too much. Let's enjoy summer first. I am going to China next Saturday. I am superduper excited although it's gonna be 30 hours trip. I booked the ticket to China last week, which was pretty much last minute thing. I will fly to Turkey from Chicago first. Wish I could go out of the airport and enjoy some Middle East atmosphere. I have never been to other continents other than Asia and North America. Maybe it still counts even if I just fly in and out? lol.

  I am excited to go home because I can see my lovely family. Mom has been thinking what to cook for me. Isn't that the greatest? Love my momma! Our first baby of the family, my niece, is 1 year old already! I was there when she was born last year. Good thing I am going home this summer so she can maybe have an image of her aunt? lol. I can't wait to cuddle with her. Well, maybe it will be too hot to cuddle in the summer. :P I remember last summer I didn't get to eat so much because the weather was too hot. I didn't really have an appetite. Hopefully it won't happen this time. I really need to make my stomach happy with those good foods. lol

  One of the best things of going home is to meet all my old friends. Good friends are not necessary keeping in touch all the time, but you feel so comfortable and there isn't an awkward moment even if you don't see each other for ages. I love sharing the culture differences with my friends. Most of us think US is more like NYC, Chicago, or California. Who knows it's actually not? I still remember how I exactly felt when I first landed in Peoria Illinois. All my fellow and I thought we were at the wrong place. All we could see was flat buildings, cornfield, less transportation, and barely anybody on the street. We were pretty much shocked by what we saw. But I gradually fell in love with this quiet place. To be honest, there is not much to do here in this "city", but I have met so many friends who have made my journey more wonderful and unforgettable. I have met so many international people here. I can't believe what my life would be if I didn't come here. Graduating from a college,sitting in an office, repeating the same thing everyday, meeting somebody, getting married, building a family?????????? Actually that's really the pattern of many of my friends back home. I am just glad that I am here to experience things that I would never imagine. 

  

  mehhh...too lazy to keep writing. :P